15 Comments
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Bobbi Lynn Dirty White Girl's avatar

hooked

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Edith Bow's avatar

This was a fun story to write.

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Bobbi Lynn Dirty White Girl's avatar

fun story to read

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Saint-Lazare's avatar

It's flowing so well, hypnotically heading to part 2.

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Edith Bow's avatar

I'm very proud of my dialogue in this one.

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MA Knight's avatar

🧍🏻

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Nick Winney's avatar

Too many good lines...I peaked too soon with the restack. Its monumentally great, and I love the solidity of the story...like granite but there's quartz vein and gold cutting through it where the stream of consciousness wordplay shines.

its a skeleton you could hang a body of work from.

"Thimble sized clit?" - yes please. Can I have that to go?

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Edith Bow's avatar

You can retack as many lines as you want Nick, no one is stopping you. But maybe stay away from the smutt cause apparently your sub base is a bunch of dweebs about blowhorns.

This was a much more cohesive story than my usual metaphoric prose. I think Clevengers dialogue workshop finally hit me with this piece.

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Nick Winney's avatar

yes. the dialogue was pretty. 🫡

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lchristopher's avatar

Well done. Good work.

Who smokes Lucky Strikes with a filter?

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Edith Bow's avatar

In Europe there was no filter however. And it was extra snacks with my wine.

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Edith Bow's avatar

I do because I hate the shavings in my mouth. I would always have to toothpick them out drove me crazy.

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lchristopher's avatar

You aren't wrong. I like the cut of your jib.

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George Kalantzis's avatar

Damn. I gotta come back and read again . But this line -Welcome to the American dream. Everyone dies, and they’ll die hungry.

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Edith Bow's avatar

It hits too close to home I know it.

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